I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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