you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
