oh god the rape fog is back!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
