So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
