You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
