her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize