i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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