im drinking this country out of the recession.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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