i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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