I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
