Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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