I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
