soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
