Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize