There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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