what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
