I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
