Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
