well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
True but thats because hes a fetus.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
