what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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