The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
