I wanna bring you to show and tell
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
