Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ketchup is God's man juice
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
