You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
