lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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