I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
