barbara walters just said penis...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize