So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
