her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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