New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
