So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
