About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
