I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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