Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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