I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
