I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We are all done wearing pants today
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
