I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
