just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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