u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
