what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
