spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
