I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
