It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
