Jerry, you need to find god
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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