Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize