apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
