if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
