When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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