new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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