Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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