Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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