her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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