I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
