it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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