Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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