Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
