fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
