The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize