I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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