Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
