I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
