you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
