I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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