When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
