someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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