I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Still dying that you shit outside
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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