i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
