Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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