Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
