We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
