chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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