I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
