Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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