If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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