spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
