I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
