finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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