I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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