My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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