I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
