He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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