Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
