Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
