ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
