$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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