hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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