she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
