she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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