If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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