I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
