i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
