You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
