I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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