Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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