His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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