even my farts smell like vagina
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
