Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
