Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize