I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
