so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
